Monday, June 25, 2012

Why I hate Chickens, Part 2

They tear up the gardens. I haven't had a single tulip pop up in years.  What the squirrels haven't dug up, the chickens immediately start scratching around when the leaves poke through the ground.   I planted a dozen each lilies and tulips, a handful of hyacinth, crocus and mums in the front flower garden.  Almost every one has been scratched to oblivian by their raptor-like claws.  Whoever said that you can garden with chickens is lying through their teeth.

My raised beds are completely useless.  The second I plant something in there and turn my back, the buggers are in there scratching around and looking for what they can eat.  We could use the raised beds in the winter and early spring when we had plastic covering the hoops, but now that the weather is like a billion degrees, the plastic had to come off.  This uncovering of the beds obviously signaled that the chicken salad buffet had officially opened.  I'll have to get some sort of light fabric or bird netting if I'm ever going to be able to use those beds again.

Even where we DO have a garden fenced off, the chickens will manage to flap their way up and over the 4' fence in order to dine on the berries and newly emerged succulent sprouts which you will never see a pea, bean or cucumber from.  I did manage to clip almost every wing in order to stop the berry-garden carnage, but obviously I missed at least one because I've had to chase it out of the garden half a dozen times.  You know, after it had been in there long enough to lay waste to my blueberries.

The also leave little booby traps for me. The dig holes in the dirt / wood chips for their dust baths -conveniently located directly in the middle of the path to the barn - ensuring a twisted ankle at least every other week.

Don't leave gathered seeds in a bowl, even for three seconds as chickens will automatically assume you have collected all those heirloom spinach seeds for their mid-morning snack.

Oh, and did I mention that I have another two hens gone broody on me?  Neither of which actually have any eggs under them.  I haven't decided if I'm going to continue flinging gently carrying them out of the coop or just collect some eggs and see if they'll hatch some chicks out.  I can't see the brooding going well as it got up to 100 degrees this weekend and it's supposed to be just as hot this week.

Then there's the Poop.  Oh my gawd, the poop.  On the porch.  On the patio furniture.  In the front yard.  On the goats - yes, on the goats.  Although Rhiannon has become somewhat of an expert at avoiding chicken landmines, there is still the occasional overlooked turd and she will come to Mom-Mom to scrape it off her shoe or foot.

Chicken excrement will take the finish off a car.  It will permenantly etch the industrial floor paint on a concrete patio. Although many a gardener will praise the nitrogen-rich benefits of composted chicken poop, I'm surprised that the Department of Defense hasn't used this stuff in some sort of biological weapon.

12 comments:

  1. One of our pullets died yesterday. It was very sad.

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  2. Finally the truth about those chicks! I never get all those blogs where folks are so in love with their chickens they've bought burial plts in the family cemetery so all can RIP together. Bunch of nuts

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  3. Do you get any joy from your chickens at all or are they mostly a bother? Inquiring minds want to know.

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  4. Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that, was it just a "sudden" thing, or was she sick?

    Donna, I KNOW...like people who say you can garden with chickens. Maybe if you mean, "the chickens will eat EVERYTHING in your garden", then that would be correct. But in my experience gardens & chickens do not mix. Unless you mean a garden salad with blue cheese & grilled chicken breast on top.

    Irene, I admit, I've been ripping on the chickens lately, but don't fret, there will be a "And why I LOVE Chickens" post in the next few days. But I'm a bit of a sarcastic person - yet realistic - and am fed up with the crazy people saying how wonderful chickens are without telling you about the less desirable aspects of chicken-owning.

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  5. Our chickens are in the coop when we put the first seed in the ground until the last bean is picked in the fall. Ducks are even worse.

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  6. With a small urban flock I have had to deal with most of that too. I found you have to delegate an area to "garden with" chickens in. In our backyard I do supervised free- ranging otherwise they continually tear up my perennials beds, knock over herb pots, etc. We fenced in the veggie garden, and that's their area, BUT I learned (after they ruined my squash and cukes) to put some kind of protection around smaller veggies and seeds. I put scrap hardware cloth over the top of my pea seeds and a upside down plastic plant tray over my green onion seeds. Worked great so far! They can't scratch them up, and they can grow thru the holes. They do scratch up around the base of some of my tomatoes, so I have to check them every day and push the soil back. For me it's a trade off for the eggs amd the BEST garden soil I've ever had! Great production from what I plant!!! But it work, sometimes a lot! And yes, chicken poo also attracts the most FLIES I ever see, ew. I have to hose down the deck or they swarm, seriously!

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  7. Oh, I hear you! We finally built a big fence dividing the back half of the property (the chicken half) from the front part where all the perennial beds are (my half). Plus we have a big fence around our vegetable garden. That's a lot of fences!

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  8. I've been really lucky. I've only had the chickens fr about a month. I have one "Travling Chicken" that roams all over the homestead. The other five girls and the rooster hang out by the chicken condo, or over under the rabbitt hutch behnd the house. They haven't bothered my garden yet. They stay out of the garage, only because I don't think they've ever seen me walk out of there with a coffee can full of cracked corn. I do have fly issues, but I have horses and pigs as well, so who knows if it'd be any less without the chickens.

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  9. Well, because of predators, my chickens are always in their "yard" so I, thankfully, don't have to deal with them in the garden. I have a broody hen that never has an egg under her either, silly chickens! ;-)

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  10. Carolyn, this post was hysterical. I can so relate! Mine have close to two acres worth of pasture to free range in, but there are a few that still insist on hopping the fence to root around in the yard. I do clip wings, but they still manage to get over that 4 foot fence. The other day (around feeding time) there was a chicken at the bottom of the back porch steps, looking that the house and squawking. I couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't telling me it was time for chickens to eat!

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  11. I soooo agree with you!!!!! I'm just waiting for the time that I can have a chicken coop that I can use to actually keep the chickens IN! lol

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  12. Isn't it funny how free range hens want to be made into free range chicken dinner? I've had some success with attaching a strand of fishing line to the top of any posts around the perimeter of garden fence. They can't see the line so when they hit trying to get over the fence, it scares them. Otherwise, my favorite time of year is early spring when they are confined to the coop (to ensure laying in the nest boxes)for about 6 weeks. after that, it's a free for all! Stevie@ruffledfeathersandspilledmilk.com

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