An Early Christmas (Goose).....

....or

"Why I hate Geese"

Sorry Mom, but his butt is all but cooked.  Or smoked.  Haven't decided which one yet.  And unless I get distracted / lazy / preoccupied, his time on this earth is now measured in mere days.

I honestly believe we tried pretty darned hard to keep Pew-Pew a "nice" goose.  Rhiannon or I hand fed him grain, petted him, gave him a kiddie pool to swim in and tried to treat him like a pet as opposed to just livestock.  Then a few months ago he started running after Rhiannon.  He would chase the car when Paul came home from work and even run up behind him trying to bite him.  Of course, we gave Pew-Pew a swift kick in the gooseass if he bit us or went after Rhiannon, but other than that, he was far from abused.

It's not like I haven't given Pew-Pew a dozen or more chances to prove that he isn't, in fact, a total butthole.  And honestly, now I feel a bit guilty that I haven't wrung his neck sooner.  Rhiannon will not even go out in the yard unless Pew-Pew is locked up with the goats.  And if he is outside the pen and Rhiannon & he happen to cross paths, she starts running and crying.  She won't step off the porch to get in the car unless Paul, Grandma or I are there to make sure the pathway is goose-free.  My mother thinks I'm horrible for wanting to lop his head off (even though just yesterday he attacked her), but I really do feel guilty for keeping an animal around that totally terrifies my child.

I worked with a woman that told me she wouldn't go into the goat / chicken pen because she's afraid of chickens.  I didn't understand how anyone could be afraid of a stupid, practically flightless, overweight bird that she probably eats on a regular basis.  She said she was traumatized as a child by having to collect eggs on her grandparent's farm and the chickens would peck her or flap after her. And now because of me, sometime in the future, Rhiannon will be confiding in her best friend that she is terrified of geese.  Because years ago her mother kept an evil bastard goose that would run after her and bite her and whack her with his wings.

Rhiannon & Pew-Pew in happier days.
When he wasn't a total prick.

Sometimes I decide to leave the goose in the goat / chicken pen so Rhiannon can actually play out in the yard.  About two weeks ago I've noticed that he's even chasing the goats while he's in the pen.  I was secretly hoping that one of them would stomp his feathered butt into the ground or bust his skull with a well-placed horn (thus making my decision to have impromptu goose for supper that very evening an easy one), but he actually holds his ground.  And after watching him at it for a while just this evening, I think he's trying to breed them.  He'll walk up to them when they've got their heads in a feed bucket or in the manger, kind'a peck at their hindquarters and then try to "walk" up their back.  And when the goats finally get sick of it and swing their heads around to say "That's freaking enough!", he gets mad and bites at their faces and chases them around.

I feed Pew-Pew each and every morning & evening.  I'm not sure if he has been civil with me because of that, or because the time he did show aggressive behavior I punted his butt across the yard.  But apparently cracked corn only goes so far to keep a goose's behavior in check because last week I got a nasty bite on the forearm and this evening when taking the empty grain bucket from him, he bit me in the ass as I walked away.  Oh, and did I mention that he is even louder and more vocally annoying that even Pickles?  I never thought I'd find another animal that would out "yell" Pickles.  He just won't shut up.  I don't even think I've heard Pickles in the last month.  Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing except her bleating is just drowned out by the stupid honking.

So there's my reasoning for planning a dinner based upon the carcass of a once-unbelievably-cute, flappy-footed pet.