Fat Cats and Fugly Chickens

Outside Kitty has been doing an awful lot of lounging around the wood stove lately.  It amazes me how the cats don't combust from the intense heat.  Although I think Manboob Kitty (i.e. Outside Kitty) may just start rendering with all the fat underneath that pelt.  He's always been a large cat, but since being neutered and coming inside, the pounds have slowly packed on.

This picture was not photoshopped.
That really is the size of Manboob, I mean, Outside Kitty.
Although he says it was taken at a bad angle so it only looks like he's enormous.

It probably doesn't help that I've been limiting his outside activities to basically nil since his emergency vet visit.  I wonder if they have a "Sweating to the Oldies" DVD for felines?

Not all of the animals (and older humans) are overweight here on the homestead.  Although the goats have hay bellies, they aren't carrying much fat on their bodies.  And surprisingly enough, Charlie is pretty sleek for a dog that seems to be in a perpetual dozing-coma.  Our chickens are also fit and trim.  Or at least I think they are.  Is there such a thing as a fat chicken?  Do they get cankles?  Muffin tops?  Beer bellies?  I don't know.  But I do know that a few of them could use a little extra fat to keep them warm because they are in the middle of molting and look like they've been plucked.  What reason did nature have to make chickens molt during the coldest time of the year?  I'm almost tempted to crochet some chicken sweaters for the poor buggers.

So not only are the molting chickens freezing their butts off from lack of insulating feathers, but they are being cursed by me for not laying and being mocked by every other animal.  Even Clover the wonky-eyed goat makes fun of them.  Molting chickens are one of  the ug-lee-ist things I've ever seen on a farm (A goat's penis being the most horrendous. You're welcome.).  If a non-farmish person were to come to our place and see one of these birds, I'm sure they'd call the ASPCA the nanosecond they left the place and got cell service.

The only upside to all this is that in a few more weeks they'll be sporting new, shiny feathers and it will be akin to the ugly duckling maturing into the beautiful swan.  Well, maybe not that pretty.  But it'll sure be an improvement from this:

Did it look like your chicken has been run over by a Mac truck
tossed into the washing machine on "heavy load" and
chucked out the window of a moving train?

Does anyone else have any "ohmygawd what IS that thing" ugly chickens this time of year or Large-and-in-Charge felines lounging around the fireplace?