Monday, June 22, 2015

I don't do Subtle

We live at the end of a dead end, country road.  And there used to be an annoyingly regular influx of lookey-loos, turn-arounds and Sunday drivers that would take the road to the end (i.e. our front yard), then do a U-turn, or at least try to do one.  There isn't really room to bust a U-ie, so most times it was a sixteen-point turn, making me wonder if any of these people ever took Driver's Ed in high school.

We have a driveway alarm so know I when someone is coming down the drive so I try to get out in the road to glare at them meet them before they get to the house.  Sometimes the turn-arounds would be apologetic, wave & say they got lost or ask for directions, but by and large, the drivers would spin around and sling gravel going back up the road. I even had a guy toss his cigarette butt out the window on his way out (I gave him a piece of my mind and had I been closer, would have chucked a rock at his back window).

Since we have a small child and livestock running around the yard, this was not only annoying, but dangerous.  

Paul put a farm gate up near the beginning of our property and I was thrilled.  It cut back on those unwanted / uninvited drivers.  But sometimes I get a little lazy forget to close the gate.  And I kid you not, the moment that gate is open we start getting the religious door-knockers and turn-arounds again.  Where's the Girl Scouts selling Thin Mints?  THEY never seem to come down here when the stupid gate is open.

Well, now that we have Charlie the GSD (Giant Sloppy Dog) even if I forget to shut the gate, most people are either hesitant to exit their vehicle or just high-tail it out of here.  Charlie isn't aggressive and if anything, I think he may have at least a mild case of narcolepsy, but just his physical presence is enough to make people not want to stick around to see if he's going to be happy to see you or want to put your head in his mouth.  One of his toys is a basketball.  Which he carries around in his mouth.  Just saying.
Charlie making sure that the grass isn't going anywhere.
Is he smiling because he's happy to see you....or happy that he'll
be making a snack out of your still-warm liver?  You decide.
So, you'd think that the one-two punch of the farm gate and the GSD would be a subtle enough hint that you are not, in fact, welcome here.

But no.  Some people. just. don't. get. it.

So I had my wonderful Sees-ter make me a couple of these puppies:

And they are going on the posts on the farm gate.

Dont' think I'm a total scrooge.  My friends know who they are, and that they are welcome any time (especially if they're bringing whiskey or when we're splitting wood).  But sometimes people are oblivious to subtleties and you just have to be painfully, unmistakably, indisputably blunt.


  1. No, you are not subtle but you are justified! I hope it works. I would hate having to get out and open and close a gate each time I left the farm.

    That is some mouth on the dog..........

  2. I know of what you speak! The opening of our driveway off the main road is not obvious. You have to know where it is or look carefully to see it. It goes about 1/4 of a mile back into the woods before you get to our yard. And yet it's always surprising how many people drive back on it to . . . what? Just see where it leads? To private property, Dummy!! I've often thought I'd like to have a gate, too. But then what about the UPS driver, the mailman who occasionally drives in with a box too large for our mailbox out on the road, friends who come but are "locked out." And me having to get out and open the darn thing every time I want to exit or enter. Maybe we should have your sister make us some signs, too. But I'm betting dollars to donuts the religious groups would come in anyway. Wanna loan Charlie to us for part of the year?

  3. I know what you mean! We get an influx of turn arounds all weekend from idiots who miss the turn to the so called "mud park" up the road. I'm getting ready to get some signs,and maybe cameras. We once had a farmer use our U-shaped drive and almost ran over my chickens, I yelled out the window that it was not a public turn around and they were on private property. We thought about putting up a chain on the north entrance, which is furthest from the house. We may do that anyway, if it continues. We also put signs up (private property) behind the property facing the woods, and the idiots ripped all the signs down as they drove past them. Since then, I have put in solar lights back there, and will consider cameras out there as well.

  4. I had to laugh at this post. When we were remodelling our house we had a big black dog - Bob Barker. I named him that after he showed up at our house one weekend, couldn't have been more than 6 weeks old. Anyway, he loved to be held. Any time you would put him down he would bark, hence the name. Well, he got bigger & bigger & bigger but still a sweet dog, but he had a loud bark. Well, during the remodel, when city inspectors came to inspect the next level of what needed to be inspected (& we happened to not be home), the inspectors would NOT get out of their vehicles. They would just call in the OK on the inspection. Good for us! Bob lived to be about 16 years old & we sure miss him to this day. I should do a blog post about him, he was a great mutt. Glad you guys have Charlie. He & Bob would have gotten along great.

  5. My gut hurts from laughing!
    We live at the end of our road which no one else lives on. The county road ends right at the opening of our property! The lookey loos that we had for the first year figured out real quick like that coming here is a gamble. Most of them saw mis granny with her gun look or Peanut the nut would greet them with toothy grin. She actually bit one guy when he stuck his hand out to pet her. I feel sorry for the one who comes after me!
    Anyhow, Your BIG boy I would be hesitant!
    And yes most people have not a CLUE!!
    No we moved out in the country with no close neighbors so everybody and their granny could come visit us every day! Cross two creek crossing down a mile long creek bed that will pop tires if your not careful to have you come visit daily!
    NO CLUE!
    Love the signs....

  6. We have the same problem... unfortunately we share our driveway with my mother and sister, so no gate for us. It's not worth the easement fight. We weren't bothered by religious people for a while after I walked out of the barn with a pitchfork yelling "we aren't interested", but they are back now. Must be a new bunch. I'm hoping they come by the next time I'm home, so I can let the coonhound mastiff, Mason Dixon, out on the front porch. That may make them realize they aren't welcome.

  7. Great post! I personally think subtle only works for southern belles and people that also believe in being PC. I'll take direct anytime!

  8. You? Not subtle? I am so ... shocked! My goodness, Charlie has grown! I was thinking of guided missles, myself. My road tends to attract the idiots who air their dirty laundry ON THE ROAD. Usually in the middle of the night. I was thinking of finding a large, high-beam light and turning it on them as soon as they start. That ought to get their attention. Love the new gate signs!

  9. That's too bad, but I get it. Mellow dog :)

  10. Carolyn, We have driveway bells also. You wouldn't believe the people who drive in and blow the horn and sit there and wait for me to come out to their cars. Yes I have a business but I'm not your servant! I walk past them into our feed store and wait till they get out and come inside. When we're closed and the hours are posted on the locked door of our store people shake the door, peer through the window, walk through our barn, yell and blow the horn and act like morons. You just gotta shake your head sometimes cause I do NOT believe God made people that inconsiderate and rude.

  11. Carolyn you go girl post them signs and be glad you did.

  12. Thanks forthe laugh...As usual @:)