Thursday, March 15, 2012

Mutant Poodle Raccoon Hybrids

Everybody loves chicken, and not just the humans.  Raccoon, opossum, bobcat, hawk, coyote and even the occasional stray dog all have their eyes on our flock.

About two weeks ago I had to hang up the shotgun by the front door (don't worry, it's always well out of Rhiannon's reach and locked) because the hawks have been hanging around.   Not sure if it's because it's mating season, but I've seen four of them at the same time all flying around the homestead and crying like crazy.  Like all stinking day.  But even the noise from buckshot isn't deterring them from their constant fly-bys.  I'm attributing the loss of at least one hen to them.

We have a light on for the chickens that I turn on just before dusk to encourage them to go into the coop.  This is also how we trained our new chickens to go in for the night; go into the light!  I'm not always out there right after dark, not only because one chicken refuses to go into the coop until it's pitch black outside, but sometimes I'm busy and don't get around to closing the chicken door until well after dark.  Last night was one of those nights.  Cleaning up from a late supper kept me inside until almost nine o'clock.   I finally got outside to close the chicken door and when I spun around to go back inside, I was startled by an opossum walking right at me!  (I'm not sure who startled whom as I only had a t-shirt and unmentionables on.....yeah, like
you've never gone outside at night in your skivvies.)  It's not like he couldn't see me, I had my handy-dandy headlamp on and was shining it right on him.  The little bugger sidestepped me and continued towards the chicken door!  

Of course, I didn't have a sidearm on my person as my Lady Fruit of the Looms don't have a built-in holster, so I did what any other homesteader protecting her flock would do.  I reached down, picked up a fairly heavy rock, and 
bashed his little marsupial brain out.  Barbaric?  Sure was.  And I do feel badly for it.  I would have much rather his end come by the way of a .22, but a farm gal does what a farm gal has to do, right?  Right.  I still feel pretty crappy about it.

So what's up with the title of this blog, and what does it have to do with hawks and opossums eating - or attempting to eat - our backyard chickens?  Well, dear reader, let me tell you!

I must have gone to bed harboring guilty feelings because I had the weirdest dream last night.  I was in the hallway of my high school (so I guess this could be considered a nightmare then) and everyone was running out of the gymnasium.  I asked the hall monitor (remember those???) what was up and she said that there was a rabid raccoon loose and nobody knew what to do.  I said that I could handle any old stinky raccoon and went to find my quarry.  It was a huge poodle-raccoon like thing and it was pissed!  It kept coming at me, and like any good nightmare, I wasn't able to get away.  It kept biting at my moccasins and I was afraid I was going to get rabies.  Why I was wearing moccasins, I haven't the slightest.  Now that I think about it, they may have been the only thing I was wearing.  I remember trying to climb bookcases to get away, but it kept coming at me.  I finally ended up crushing it's head with a huge bottle of perfume that I found on top of that bookcase.

Whew.  I feel much better knowing that I have that off my chest.  Well, not really.

Anybody want to take a jab at what the "meaning" of that dream meant??  
Besides the fact that I'm just nuts.
This raccoon is drop-dead gorgeous compared to mine.

Wonder if Stephen King would want the screenplay for this one?  I'm telling you, that freaky looking clown's got nothing on my poodle-raccoon.


  1. Yer jist ah momma protecting her flock is all. It's ah good thing that opossum didn't bite you. I had ah run in on my deck with one and he was nasty mad, but so was I. I'm no dream interprator but knowing you were out there in yer skivies late will give me a nightmare LOL!!! Perfume maybe for ah skunk kitty huh? Stay tuff girl, the country can be brutal. ;-)

  2. Girl, you just crack me up! (But not as bad as you cracked that ol' possum) I'm absolutely sure that I would have done the same dang thing.

    As far as that dream of yours... uh uh.. no way am I even gonna touch that one... LOL

  3. I don't know what the dream means, but as far as killing the opposum..... YOU ROCK!! (pun intended)

  4. OMG!! That was just too, too funny!! I second what Spiderjohn said! :)

  5. Revenge of the Opposum! Good for you. That was a pretty brassy opposum - or maybe he didn't take you seriously in your get-up. You know, skivvies, headlamp and t-shirt? I agree, though, ANY dream that takes place in high school has GOT to be nightmarish.

  6. Oh my goodness, big time belly laughs here!! You tell a great story girl! I often go close the chicken coop door at 9:00 (never in my underwear that I can remember :-). I'm always searching for critters with my flashlight. That had to be a big rock you used -- I'm impressed! The dream....I just love that you smashed him over the head with perfume!!! LOL LOL

  7. Are you absolutely sure that you did the possum in? Those things are tricky you know, he may have just been playing, um, possum!

    They are bad news for chickens and eggs, you are well rid of him.

  8. "go into the light" reminds me of "Poltergiest", the movie! Maybe the dream was- walk a mile in it's shoes, so to speak. Little guy was just hungry.... oh well, gotta protect the chickens...

  9. Carolyn,
    LOL! A "POODLE-RACOON"? Only you could dream up something like that! And if you wore "Calamaty Jane" brand of undies, you would always have a sex-shooter on your right......Hip!
    You know, when I think you can not come with something new, you always do! You should really do Standup!

  10. Maybe the possum was getting you back. His spirit invaded your dreams to bring you the nightmare. lol! I would have done the same thing too. Including the Fruit of the Looms.

  11. I thought living in the country gave us rights that the city folk don't have. Like walking around neekid. Besides... If you see more than you barganed for... you're tresspassing. I can see her strapping on a holster next time she walks out to close up the coop in her dwars.

  12. Nancy, the only mean opossums I've run into is when they've been trapped in the live trap, otherwise they just kind'a waddle around me or ignore me.

    SciFi, guess I did "crack" him up!

    Spiderjohn, good one!

    Candy, funny reading about it....not so funny when it happens! :)

    Susan, I could have dealt with just the freaky raccoon in the dream, but the high school is just horrible!!

    dr. momi, I know, what's with the perfume bottle? I'm telling ya, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!

    Chai Chai, he was totally D.E.A.D., no playing 'possum for that guy anymore!

    Nancypo, that's the movie I was thinking of! And yea, I know, he was just hungry....but he could have snacked on the multitude of leftover chicken scratch that is just outside the pen.

    Tom, NOW who's being the funny one? I'm assuming you meant "Six" shooter, right? Right? Totally innocent typo....right? :)

    SFG, Oh, I totally know that was him getting me back. And F.O.T.L. are very underrated!

    Kevin, I often tell people if they catch me out in my skivvies, it's their own darned fault for not calling ahead!