Thursday, December 11, 2014

Fat Cats and Fugly Chickens

Outside Kitty has been doing an awful lot of lounging around the wood stove lately.  It amazes me how the cats don't combust from the intense heat.  Although I think Manboob Kitty (i.e. Outside Kitty) may just start rendering with all the fat underneath that pelt.  He's always been a large cat, but since being neutered and coming inside, the pounds have slowly packed on.
This picture was not photoshopped.
That really is the size of Manboob, I mean, Outside Kitty.
Although he says it was taken at a bad angle so it only looks like he's enormous.
It probably doesn't help that I've been limiting his outside activities to basically nil since his emergency vet visit.  I wonder if they have a "Sweating to the Oldies" DVD for felines?

Not all of the animals (and older humans) are overweight here on the homestead.  Although the goats have hay bellies, they aren't carrying much fat on their bodies.  And surprisingly enough, Charlie is pretty sleek for a dog that seems to be in a perpetual dozing-coma.  Our chickens are also fit and trim.  Or at least I think they are.  Is there such a thing as a fat chicken?  Do they get cankles?  Muffin tops?  Beer bellies?  I don't know.  But I do know that a few of them could use a little extra fat to keep them warm because they are in the middle of molting and look like they've been plucked.  What reason did nature have to make chickens molt during the coldest time of the year?  I'm almost tempted to crochet some chicken sweaters for the poor buggers.

So not only are the molting chickens freezing their butts off from lack of insulating feathers, but they are being cursed by me for not laying and being mocked by every other animal.  Even Clover the wonky-eyed goat makes fun of them.  Molting chickens are one of  the ug-lee-ist things I've ever seen on a farm (A goat's penis being the most horrendous. You're welcome.).  If a non-farmish person were to come to our place and see one of these birds, I'm sure they'd call the ASPCA the nanosecond they left the place and got cell service.

The only upside to all this is that in a few more weeks they'll be sporting new, shiny feathers and it will be akin to the ugly duckling maturing into the beautiful swan.  Well, maybe not that pretty.  But it'll sure be an improvement from this:
Did it look like your chicken has been run over by a Mac truck
tossed into the washing machine on "heavy load" and
chucked out the window of a moving train?
Does anyone else have any "ohmygawd what IS that thing" ugly chickens this time of year or Large-and-in-Charge felines lounging around the fireplace?


  1. Pretty much all the outside cats have now managed to become inside cats for Winter. We used to have three barn cats but since my wife invites em in or forced them to come in last year during those cold snaps they have figured out the house is the place to be. Sow e bought a big cat tower with many platforms and placed it right in front of the main wood furnace blower.and that's where they sleep now.

    Except on those mornings when the fire dies down then they come to my bed and meow at me until I get up and get the blower going for them again.

  2. Heh Our chickens look like that, too....all except for the black cochine rooster. But who cares.....he is a horny bastard all year. Our cat Lobo is now beyond pudgy and headed into Lard Ass. Our other cat Kooskia remains slender all the time. Just different body types. I keep telling myself that.

  3. Anya out kitty is pudgy, and still working on that. For some reason our hens only seem to do mini-molts. I have no idea why!

  4. You can Google 'hen saddles' and then make them yourself.

  5. No fat cats around our place. Actually, no cats. But don't hate me for it. A couple of our chickens look like they could be thinking about molting, but being Birds of the Great North, they know they'd die from frostbite if they dropped too many of their feathers this time of year. The chicken in your picture looks like she's having a very bad hair day. ;o]

  6. I have to fess up. I haven't seen my chickens in several days (weeks). My knee has limited my activities and my poor husband has been doing chores for me. The last I saw, they were molting and were the sorriest looking things ever. We are down to barely having enough eggs just for the two of us. Of course my Hylines never looks as good as the fluffy old breeds like Buff Orpingtons but the lay so much better and I love their disposition.

    I am going out to see the girls today.....knee is much improved.

  7. Chicken sweaters and rendering cats by the fire! You made my day and with those thoughts, I'll have a smile on my face for a week. :-)

  8. Ha ha ha! I do have a fairly large cat who likes to rip out his under hind end hair. He's always in front of the stove. I can't say I have a chicken looking like that one.

  9. I've made 'hen saddles' too, out of scrap polar fleece and a little elastic. Worked great!

  10. I have went to our chicken coop and thought for sure something had killed a chicken or two just by the amount of feathers that are on the ground. Nope, just the molting beginning. Our cats? Well, let's just say I have a feeling one is going to be coming in. The kittens will be Christmas presents. And the adult females? Well, they are getting fixed. LOL