Sunday, February 8, 2015

G.H.A. (Goat Haters Anonymous)

I never had Pickles tested to see if she was pregnant.  I'm assuming she is not.  I hate her.

I'm assuming that Lira (the half Boer half Nubian) is pregnant.  But she's still small, both in the belly and in general stature.  Which is worrying me now.  Her mother wasn't very big, so I wasn't expecting her to be very big, but I'm now concerned about her kidding.  She was bred to Studly, who was only a wee thing himself, so hopefully her kids will be small enough for her first kidding.

Oh, and Lira screams just as much, if not more, than Pickles.  I also hate her.

Herman continually knocks off his head-gear so the effer is always getting his head stuck through the cattle panel fence.  Sometimes I see him out there, stuck, and I yell at him and leave him there just because.  You'd think he'd learn.  You'd think I'd learn (not to get goats with horns).  So yesterday Paul and I had to wrestle with him and duct-tape the PVC pipe back to his noggin.  I hate him.  Herman, not Paul.

Then, there's the fact that the only friendly Boer goat from last year's kidding is Gimpy.  The one we're going to eat.  The other two, Clover & Dilly, run from me every chance they get.  Even when they know it's feeding time.  I have to run after those jerks every stinking day.  And they know that once they get clipped to the fence, that they get to eat.  So, what's with the running away from me?  I've given them treats, I scratch their heads.  But still they run.  I hate them as well.

So, why do I have all these goat that I clearly despise?  Well, it wasn't supposed to be that way.  The three Boers that went to the County Fair last year were supposed to come home, tame, broke & just lovey-dovey.  But the only one that did is the one that's going into the freezer.  The Boer / Nubian cross doeling is not only semi-wild, but will no doubt prove to be a pain during kidding and I'm sure will end up raising kids that will hate me just as much as she does, if not more.

My plan, at least the one I have at this moment, and is sure to change at any time, is that I will try to breed Pickles first time she goes into heat, even if it's in the middle of summer.  If she doesn't take, she's going to the sale barn or into the freezer.  Same for Lira if she isn't a good mother or her kids are for crap.  And honestly, even if Lira's kids are decent, I'll keep the kids and still sell her.  I cannot stand the yelling.

None of my other goats yell like Pickles and Lira, and it is freaking annoying as hell.  You know that "Yelling Sheep"clip on youtube?  Funny, isn't it?  Well, until you hear that ALL freaking day.

Pickles and Lira yell when they see you come out of the house.  They yell if they see a car.  They yell if it's feeding time.  They yell if it's two hours before or after feeding time.  They yell if a gnat lands on their ass.  I H.A.T.E. the yelling.  And it only becomes a yelling match between myself and them.  I open the door to go outside and they yell.  I yell back, "SHUT UP!!".  They yell again.  I scream "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?".  They yell back.  I then scream some incoherent babble peppered with expletives and stomp back into the house and then Paul says, "You know you're yelling at livestock, right?"

It's a beautiful day today.  I plan on going out into the goat pen to get the kidding stall ready and to muck out the shitton of wasted hay from the picky goats.  Maybe do some weed-pulling and maybe attempt to reclaim my herb garden from the Ozark jungle that took over.

And maybe, just maybe, I can resist the urge to continue the yelling match.

15 comments:

  1. They yell because they know you hate them. Negative vibes coming from you.

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  2. We have one ewe who is "talkative", the others "baaah" if they are hungry, but mostly just watch us with their creepy sheepy eyes. Maybelle, seems to think we need reminding that there are sheep living here, or maybe she likes the sound of her own noise maker, whatever, I've learned to tune her out. At least a goat will use it's voice to let you know that it's in trouble, sheep become mute when caught in a fence, fearful, or being chased by a coyote. Maybe Maybelle is just letting me know all is right in their world?

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  3. Can I join the club? I had a screamer once. She started yelling if even a curtain shifted. Our fence holes are too small to get horns stuck in but the gates...dear Lord the gates are never going to be buck proof.
    Hope your find some good herbs! :)

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  4. I think Pickles is teaching bad habits to some of the other girls. I sure wouldn't have put up with her as long as you have. Freezer camp, freezer camp, freezer camp . . . just sayin'.

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  5. This post had both of us laughin' ....only goat owners truly understand this type of crazy!

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  6. Maybe have them eat something soothing, kinda like sedating :)

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  7. Luckily, our goats don't scream like that. Cute photo though, ha ha!

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  8. This is why I no longer have: goats, quail, turkeys. If, some blessed day, I have an actual farm where the livestock is not living right next to me, I may revisit some of those critters. Except the goats....

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  9. Carolyn,

    It is a gorgeous day outside. Wear yourself some ear plugs, because Pickles and Lira will be screaming at you.

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  10. I feel your pain, though maybe not as often as you feel it. Sometimes my chickens all start cackling and won't shut-up. They go on and on until I step outside and scream at them, like that makes a difference. I know the neighbors think I'm bat shit crazy.

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  11. I have never heard a yelling/screaming goat! I think you need to get rid of the goats and get cows. Of course, they do bawl when weaned or when one is in heat....but that doesn't last long.

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  12. P.S. I just listened to a bawling goat on YouTube! You have my deepest sympathy! Who knew???

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  13. You know, I was thinking about getting into goats again. Thanks for reminding me why I got OUT of goats. lol

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  14. I got to your site from reading M.E. Materson over at Adventures of My Life! This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read. I was just rolling. The only reason I can say that is because we sold our main yeller last fall. To friend no less, that we warned about the yelling. Both Frank and I have had the unfortunate experience of being in numerous yelling matches with the yeller. A match that could never be won. So, even though this yelling Nubain doe was a great mom, good milker and very tame, down the road she went. But now......the other doe she taught to yell has found her voice again just recently. Just yesterday Frank said she may be on the way to being sold. I whole heartedly agreed. Thanks for the great laugh.

    Fern

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  15. I've always wanted a (one) goat. Hubby always says no. He was raised on a farm and couldn't stand them. Thanks so much for the chuckle, though. Terry in Fla sent me to your blog - glad he did! :o)

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